Its taken me a looooong time to become less rigid about the rules and realise that some are meant to be broken.

Rules are there in many instances as guidelines for the lowest common denominator. Some will have evolved because of necessity and others from unchallenged tradition.

And then there are those that fit neither category but that we still impose upon ourselves.

Take for instance the scenario where you have agreed to host a group of 25 people as part of a progressive dinner but then you get asked to fly to another part of the country to provide respite care for a foster child you have loved, that is beyond difficult, and where the house parents need a break.

What would you do?

You could stay and fulfill your obligation to the dinner group.

You could go and look after this child.

In my life past, I would have been torn on the inside but still felt to uphold my 'prior engagement'. My word is my bond and all that.

It's not that those things aren't important but now I measure things another way.

Is it a matter of life and death?

We find it easier to make decisions relative to the question of death: the ball game with a friend vs time with your dying mother - a 'no-brainer'. Death is negative and so saying 'no' to something else doesn't feel so wrong.

Where there is a question of life, it feels more awkward to say 'no'. After all you are supposed to say 'yes' to life. And you can say 'yes' - you just need to be discerning.

Applying that to the situation above, I would then be able to see that looking after the 'life' of a child ranks higher than feeding the bellies of 25 socially adjusted teens that are doing this activity for sheer fun.

Then the plans would be how to accommodate the former obligation. I could cancel entirely. I could ask a friend to house-sit and facilitate the meal, I could ask a friend to host it at their place instead. I'm sure there are other options too.

So then I would have to justify my decision to the dinner guests...simple....I have had a last minute opportunity to care for a child that will take me out of the region. I am sure that you will understand this is a matter of life and death. Stop them in their self-centred tracks.

You can apply this more simply at home too. You get invited out to something that benefits another organisation or agenda, that you don't want to be involved in and can quite honestly say that you have prior engagements or responsibilities. Those responsibilities are the ones to the lives of your children or the life of your marriage or even to invest time into your personal development - your life.

As long as you are honest with yourself there is no need to feel guilty.