If you are disabled then you often need to hire home help. If you are blind then many items are available for use that are adapted to help you lead a more 'normal' life. If you are hospitalised then you may receive some rehabilitation services, or 'meals on wheels'.

So why is it that in the area of character and psychological deficits we don't take the same action?

What I am specifically talking about is the relationship of marriage. We are so quick to see physical problems as 'real' while the hidden problems are not treated with the same empathy or tactical remedy. If our partner has broken their leg, we watch as they hobble around on crutches, wash them, run the errands, dress them and generally pick up the slack. It is after all only temporary.

Last year I figured out, d'uh, that Onyx suffers from dysthemia. Its taken me so long to realise this and many a tear shed along the way in utter frustration. This is a long-term 24/7 issue affecting his general state of mind and being. Its not something that can really be 'cured' with drugs, I understand, but I had hoped counselling would finally take the place of my incessant reminders that 'this' was not normal. At least the therapist concurred with my findings!

[Alongside this, and the jury is still out on these two, I have reason to believe he is visual-spatial and somewhere on the Autistic Spectrum Disorder continuum - down the intelligent end!]

So where does that leave me? Well at the beginning of last month I realised that I needed to take responsibility for creating my happiness within the life that I have got. What I mean by this is that I am tired of being limited, of feeling unfulfilled, of my happiness being dependent upon another person.

My friendships with others are not like this - there is no expectation that I have of them to 'give' anything to me, and yet I have this of Onyx. I expected that he be honest with me, that he value me, that he partner me, that he encourage me, that he parent equally etc etc. By having these expectations, however pure, I have inadvertently handed over the keys to my happiness to another person.

So what is a girl to do? Well, what I did, was first and foremost come to this realisation. To know that you have a problem is the most important step. Then I started to think of ways that I could work within my restrictions to make my life more fulfilling.

First I decided that I would really get stuck into simplifying our 'stuff', whether or not we were going overseas.
I also decided that I get great enjoyment out of certain projects that I do for other people and therefore to be able to devote more time to these would be good, but that midnight wasn't the best time. So that led me to consider childcare (during sunlight hours) for our 2 youngest, who qualify for state funding.

Then I saw that the unfinished renovations were taking away from my feeling of order (the physical affecting the intellectual) so I have resolved, when/if we get a tax refund, to apply this to the task of paying others to start, continue and/or and finish the house projects.

The fourth area that 'gets to me' is that of our schedule for the children's learning. We have a plan of what needs to be done, but leave it up to them, when it gets done. I need to do some more thinking about this one, to make it mutually satisfying.

Last but not least the mundane task of housekeeping was annoying me. Mostly because I do it, and no one else bears the responsibility. Although I think this issue will better take care of itself when a semblance of order and simplicity is re-established in our home.

The strange thing is that this is exactly what a life coach said to me last Saturday. I'll tell you about that tomorrow.