This wasn't a book that I wasn't particularly interested in reading, as it was promoted fanatically by many in institutional churches, and perhaps that is why I didn't get into the 'flow' of it.  I would have been better off reading a condensed book I reckon with just the salient points.

There were a few tidbits that got me thinking or nodding my head:

On the subject of 'expectations':

The church has not been a big help here. No, that's not quite honest enough.  The church has been part of the problem.  Its message to women has been primarily "you are here to serve.  That's why God created you: to serve.  In the nursery, in the kitchen, on the various committees, in your home, in your community."  Seriously now - picture the women we hold up as models of feminity in the church.  They are sweet, they are helpful, their hair is coiffed; they are busy, they are disciplined, they are composed, and they are tired.

The authors make an interesting case for women being the ultimate creature/creation; and for the relationship women are to have with God being ultimately romantic.  The former I can get my head around the later is a stretch especially as the God I was brought up with was the Judge and party-pooper, and it's only in the last few years that I have come to relate to him as my Papa.

What I did find enlightening was the exegesis on "ezer kenegdo", commonly translated as 'help meet' (, or internalised for some as 'door mat').

The word ezer is used only twenty places in the entire Old Testament.  And in every other instance the person being described is God himself, when you need him to come through for you desperately."  "Most of the contexts are life and death, by the way, and God is your only hope.  Your ezer.  If he is not there beside you...you are dead.  A better translation therefore of ezer would be 'lifesaver'.  'Kenegdo' means alongside, or opposite to, a counterpart.

There was more to it that that, but something I will look into further for myself.  [Blue Letter Bible here I come!]

In addition to this it is expounded that satan despises women because of her beauty, and seeks to this day to bring her down, so that instead of being angry with man's passivity we ought to warfare against the enemy.  (Huge paraphrase).  The re-telling of the temptation in the garden of Eden highlights this.  There is a book referenced called "The Silence of Adam" by Craabb, Hudson & Andrews that I will be adding to my 'lets-look-at-this-much-later book-list'.

In summary:

The essence of a man is Strength.  A man is meant to be the incarnation-our experience in human form-of our Warrior God.  A God who comes through for us.
The essence of a women is Beauty.  She is meant to be the incarnation-our experience in human form-of a Captivating God.  A God who invites us.

While much was written about (healing the) wounds from childhood, there wasn't anything practical, speaking to the women who was in a present relationship where  she was being wounded (, that is if you want something more that 'fight the enemy').  Almost like it was unjust, and unfair to have suffered as a child, but you have to soldier on as an adult.

Hmm....?

Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul by john & Stasi Eldridge

(Amazon have a 'search inside' option so you can read an excerpt)