Well here I am, four weeks after starting a very simple fitness regime. The Air Walker that I purchased via internet auction, arrived and is good value for money but not exactly great condition. Anyway it meets the needs of having something to start with. If only I can get rid of the squeak – argh.

My first trial was to see if I could do 5 minutes and then 1 more. So for the first 3 days I got on in the morning and gave it all I've got for 6 minutes. Day four I stepped up to 7 minutes, and then I went away for days 7-11, so back at it on day 12. Every 3-4 days I add another minute - presently I am plateaued at 11 minutes.

I have worked out that if you use the machine as suggested – legs fairly straight in a manner as if you were walking slowly that the impact is very low, and it brings a smile to my face to say – too low for me. Its when you start to walk faster or vary your stance that you start to exercise beyond what you may do walking during the course of a normal day.

I prefer to bend my knees and lean into the handles of the Air Walker and then I 'feel the burn' in my triceps, quads and calves.

I am able to keep normal breathing throughout and my body truly feels as if all its red blood cells have been oxygenated and are alive for a short while after I have finished.

I have yet to see any great benefit to my weight though with it keeping steadily at a number that, for me, is 25% higher than what I was aiming for when I first started my loosing weight slowly campaign.

I can't fathom it out. I have now used 5 'First Response' pregnancy tests and a 'Clearblue' and they all come up negative. I am reminded that with my second pregnancy 3 home pregnancy tests and one blood test all came up negative before the 2nd blood test confirmed that pregnancy.

Hmmm...so I am not pregnant just fat? The abdominal shape doesn't seem to fit the 'fat' profile and why would all this extra weight just stick to me over a course of a couple of months. Its like someone has taken huge globs of fat and aimed them at the middle of my body as one would do in paint-ball, but these don't wash off. Does middle age spread really happen that dramatically? If so, someone should have warned me. This is not one of those pleasant surprises that society should keep secret.

In fact society in the form of the beach-goers I have seen over the long weekend away, seem to confirm that this pregnant-like tummy is the norm for women my age, not the exception. Not nice.

I am glad that at least I have a vehicle for exercising off the repulsion I have of my body shape and that may give me a hope of working towards a more lithe figure that I can be proud of once again.

Oh, and in my travels on the auction site, I came across a treadmill with some fabulous features that presently doesn't work, that we fetched and I have high expectations that DH will be able to fix.

Initially it looked as if the motor was totally stuffed and its an odd wattage that we had no way of testing, but some very generous technicians on a DIY website are helping us work through the diagnostics. Onyx has managed to get the motor to turn over so its back to diagnosing the controller. Fingers crossed everything works out for good, as I actually like the mechanics of the treadmill and can see all of us using it.

Its not as if the Air Walker will be defunct either as I have a girlfriend that was the one who recommended them to me and will gladly receive it as a hand-me-down or perhaps the children will be allowed to let themselves loose on the Air Walker and leave the treadmill alone? I haven't quite decided as that is like counting your chickens before they are hatched.

Its time to bring you up to date with some of the post stories ...

3 Months to Live
The friend who was given 3 months to live is still with us, albeit quite depressed as she enters 2009 as I presume the inevitability of this year being her last wraps itself around her thoughts. She has had to move 3 times, and was burgled 3 times at the first property. Now her landlady has passed on and the family strongly wanted to sell the rental property.


Behavioral Optometry

We did get a second opinion for Agate and for her age she is doing well. I wanted to focus on her visual-spatial skills and so a couple of take-home exercises were prescribed by the Optometrist.

We will test her again after a year to get a better idea.


Agate

I have written a few posts about Agate and the various areas I have tried to explore to help me understand her and help her.

I now tend to believe what I have read - that ASD disorders may be a 3 year delay in neurological functions reaching maturity, as she has improved significantly. In fact I would be loathe to say she has ODD but rather some strong-willed reactions to her SPD and encopresis.

The later is the area that we have made little headway. So we are now in the middle of waiting for some laboratory tests results to come back to see if they give us / the doctor any insights. I really wanted to save her from blood tests but looking at the bigger picture - she needs to have a solution to this problem for her own well-being.

Already her eosinophils have come back very high but the coeliac and stool samples have yet to be completed.

She exhibits none of the typical coeliac symptoms and her serum immunoglobulins (IgA, IgG and IgM) are normal.

Anyway last year we decided to try a gluten free diet once more. OH BOY, what did we get ourselves in for?! It made the household awful, horrible & tense all over again. All those things that has slowly slipped into oblivion. So perhaps there is something to it?

Why did we try gluten free? Well when we had been away on holiday it was noticed that Agate did not soil herself, and that when offered a range of foods from which to graze she had been choosing mainly fruits, vegetables and a little meat. Instinctively (if that is what it is) she had been avoiding breads and cereals. Which is what made me think there may really be something to this, as the first time that Onyx, Ruby and Agate did the FAILSAFE diet they all reacted to the gluten challenge too. Except Onyx didn't want to do anything about it. From memory the older two stated that their memory was clearer.

Having to only source enough alternative food for one person made this easier this time and she seemed to understand and most times appreciate that she is being singled out for this snack or treat that is different.

We now hopefully also have a pediatric referral in the pipeline - expected waiting time = 3-6 months.


Weight Loss

Well, you wouldn't believe it but after 8 years my scales went belly up! Probably a result of the children jumping on them one too many times. I tried to get replacement parts but they simply do not stock any. I was on the verge of being resigned to buying another when the agent went on to say that as they were Salter scales they have a decent warranty on them and they would replace them with the same or a like model. So they have been sent back and I tentatively await the new ones.

I really don't want to try them out as I am in flux between wondering if I am simply just fat from the Christmas season or pregnant! Of course the later is almost impossible but would be easier to live with than thinking that all my effort last year to lose weight has been undone. I am seriously looking at exercise equipment - sigh.


Well folks, I hope that fills in some of the blanks.

If you are wondering about something I haven't updated on recently just drop me an email and ask! =>

Tonight in an attempt to start re-connecting as a family, and also as an opportunity to invite a father and son to spend time with us, we planned a movie night. Nothing fancy mind you....dinner and a movie.

I'd recently placed an order with CBD and as part of that bought 'Flywheel' and 'Facing the Giants'. I'd really wanted to get 'Fireproof' but it wasn't out yet so settled for "The Love Dare' book.

Anyway back to the movie - while Facing the Giants was perhaps the better story for the males in the group, Flywheel had subtitles in German, and that mattered, so it won, heads up.

Compared to the 'professional' films and judging by the dvd jacket I guess I was expecting a 'perfect' production but cutting it some slack I was still able to appreciate the story.

So here I am now sitting and thinking, and thinking some more.

• Do situations always work out this positive and perfect?
• Will God do for us, in our situation, what he did for Jay?
• Why does God have the reputation for intervening at the 11th hour?
• and the question to top all questions...what is the moral for me?

Do you do that? Watch a movie, whether it a drama, a chick flick or a child's story and suck the juices out - cogitating over the message?

I admit that I can not not do that.

I can't not do it with movies, and I don't pick up books that do not have a pay-off. I don't read much fiction, preferring to use the little time I have to add value to my life.

Thats perhaps a good maxim for why we gave up watching tv several years ago - 'does it add value to my life?' Yes, I could say that it did when programmes about home improvements or child-raising was concerned but really 'how much value' was that adding and 'how relevant was it to our home and our family'?

So what questions did Flywheel raise for me specifically?

The first is what is this saying to my husband about his business. The part that relates here is when Jay talks about wanting to finish well, not wanting to be forced to foreclose. DH presently has a major client that thinks he is having them on about the problems at their site, and that they are not caused by him. If we loose the client the business could be forced to close. Onyx has wanted to change the direction of the business for a while too. And in the middle of all this we have been looking at selling and what that would mean.

The second area that I think I need to apply the meaning of this story to is.... Germany. So here are my thoughts as I type 'on the fly'. Going looks like not such a good idea. Perhaps it is akin to me deceiving myself that it has more value or is the only way to achieve the goals I have for wanting to live there?

Perhaps it is my time to give it up...to say to God that I can not do this, that it is His dream (like Jay told God it was his business). Perhaps I need to concentrate on putting my time and effort into my husband and family.

The similarities end as I think about the time frame that Jay had to come up with the goods. Our situation has been that we had aimed at several projected dates over the last two years and it seems as if it has been more of trying to exercise faith and be prepared for what we thought God was going to do that something we would 'miss' or an appointment we would break.

Where to now. Hmmm...wish I knew. Do I say 'right Germany is off'? Or do I say 'God you know my desire, show me your cards?' - well actually I have said things similar to that - after all the entire point of going is due to the insatiable desire within me - didn't He put that there?

Its not as if we have been trying to run in the opposite direction like Jonah.

Well thats enough thinking for one day! We will see what happens next. The movie did however renew my faith that God is more involved with my life so now that "Que sera, sera" attitude is less fatalistic and more faith-filled that He will actually come through.