What is poverty to you? Is it going without a hamburger at McDonald's, or having to wait until your next monthly pay-check to by some more shoes? Have you ever fielded the question from one of your children 'are we poor?' and your first response is 'well we don't earn as much as other people'? Why is it that we equate poverty with what money we have or do not have? And when is it all about us? As a recovering-poverty-mentality-individual I know that this mindset doesn't give me freedom. I grew up in a household where the answer to the question 'Where did you get that from?' was 'Ask me no questions and I'll tell you no lies.' was the common retort and the shaky foundation of my understanding about how household finances worked. Things just appeared. No mention was even made to man-hours, income, expenditure, fixed commitments and flexible spending.

Contrast that with a child who doesn't know what having shoes on their feet is, let along a new collection of classical books and you gain some perspective.

And to all those people who say that 'money doesn't buy you happiness' - hogwash! How can one be content with little when they have little.

Yes, you can be content with less when you have more, and I embrace the movement to simplicity, but don't you think it would be impossible to be grateful for not having something that you need.

And perhaps this is where the crunch comes. Many of us have what we need, if we are really honest with ourselves, but before we indulge in the things we want, could spare a thought of meeting the poverty in this world.

No, we don't all have to go on building projects to third world countries or sponsor orphans, although these things do also help. What about meeting the poverty in our own countries, in our own cities and in our own neighbourhoods.

Whether we realise it or not, poverty is everywhere but it has different guises.

For some it is not having petrol to go to visit a sick relative, others - no firewood, or clothes that are in tatters (and you just thought people enjoyed dressing like that?). For others their lack is company, or the ability to integrate into society.

Poverty in its purest form is the lacking of something.

When we take a step to providing for someone's lack then we are being like Jesus "supplying all their needs according to his riches" - or walking the talk as other would say.

So what does this look like: volunteering your children to visit older folks, giving of the abundance of your vegetable garden when you can, passing on your pre-loved clothes to the neighbour's children, lending out your lawnmower or other appliances (that just sit there year-round otherwise).

Thinking like this can help lift you out of your selfish mindset and leads you to appreciate what you do have. It shows your children that things don't 'just appear' or 'just happen' - that it takes people. People who trade their time, talents and resources to make things happen for others.

How can you provide for someones poverty today? Or perhaps if you can't answer this question, simply be prepared to open your own eyes and begin looking for this new definition of poverty around you.

Postscript: Blog Action Day have this post that gives you even more ideas on what you can do.

If you are disabled then you often need to hire home help. If you are blind then many items are available for use that are adapted to help you lead a more 'normal' life. If you are hospitalised then you may receive some rehabilitation services, or 'meals on wheels'.

So why is it that in the area of character and psychological deficits we don't take the same action?

What I am specifically talking about is the relationship of marriage. We are so quick to see physical problems as 'real' while the hidden problems are not treated with the same empathy or tactical remedy. If our partner has broken their leg, we watch as they hobble around on crutches, wash them, run the errands, dress them and generally pick up the slack. It is after all only temporary.

Last year I figured out, d'uh, that Onyx suffers from dysthemia. Its taken me so long to realise this and many a tear shed along the way in utter frustration. This is a long-term 24/7 issue affecting his general state of mind and being. Its not something that can really be 'cured' with drugs, I understand, but I had hoped counselling would finally take the place of my incessant reminders that 'this' was not normal. At least the therapist concurred with my findings!

[Alongside this, and the jury is still out on these two, I have reason to believe he is visual-spatial and somewhere on the Autistic Spectrum Disorder continuum - down the intelligent end!]

So where does that leave me? Well at the beginning of last month I realised that I needed to take responsibility for creating my happiness within the life that I have got. What I mean by this is that I am tired of being limited, of feeling unfulfilled, of my happiness being dependent upon another person.

My friendships with others are not like this - there is no expectation that I have of them to 'give' anything to me, and yet I have this of Onyx. I expected that he be honest with me, that he value me, that he partner me, that he encourage me, that he parent equally etc etc. By having these expectations, however pure, I have inadvertently handed over the keys to my happiness to another person.

So what is a girl to do? Well, what I did, was first and foremost come to this realisation. To know that you have a problem is the most important step. Then I started to think of ways that I could work within my restrictions to make my life more fulfilling.

First I decided that I would really get stuck into simplifying our 'stuff', whether or not we were going overseas.
I also decided that I get great enjoyment out of certain projects that I do for other people and therefore to be able to devote more time to these would be good, but that midnight wasn't the best time. So that led me to consider childcare (during sunlight hours) for our 2 youngest, who qualify for state funding.

Then I saw that the unfinished renovations were taking away from my feeling of order (the physical affecting the intellectual) so I have resolved, when/if we get a tax refund, to apply this to the task of paying others to start, continue and/or and finish the house projects.

The fourth area that 'gets to me' is that of our schedule for the children's learning. We have a plan of what needs to be done, but leave it up to them, when it gets done. I need to do some more thinking about this one, to make it mutually satisfying.

Last but not least the mundane task of housekeeping was annoying me. Mostly because I do it, and no one else bears the responsibility. Although I think this issue will better take care of itself when a semblance of order and simplicity is re-established in our home.

The strange thing is that this is exactly what a life coach said to me last Saturday. I'll tell you about that tomorrow.

Its taken me a looooong time to become less rigid about the rules and realise that some are meant to be broken.

Rules are there in many instances as guidelines for the lowest common denominator. Some will have evolved because of necessity and others from unchallenged tradition.

And then there are those that fit neither category but that we still impose upon ourselves.

Take for instance the scenario where you have agreed to host a group of 25 people as part of a progressive dinner but then you get asked to fly to another part of the country to provide respite care for a foster child you have loved, that is beyond difficult, and where the house parents need a break.

What would you do?

You could stay and fulfill your obligation to the dinner group.

You could go and look after this child.

In my life past, I would have been torn on the inside but still felt to uphold my 'prior engagement'. My word is my bond and all that.

It's not that those things aren't important but now I measure things another way.

Is it a matter of life and death?

We find it easier to make decisions relative to the question of death: the ball game with a friend vs time with your dying mother - a 'no-brainer'. Death is negative and so saying 'no' to something else doesn't feel so wrong.

Where there is a question of life, it feels more awkward to say 'no'. After all you are supposed to say 'yes' to life. And you can say 'yes' - you just need to be discerning.

Applying that to the situation above, I would then be able to see that looking after the 'life' of a child ranks higher than feeding the bellies of 25 socially adjusted teens that are doing this activity for sheer fun.

Then the plans would be how to accommodate the former obligation. I could cancel entirely. I could ask a friend to house-sit and facilitate the meal, I could ask a friend to host it at their place instead. I'm sure there are other options too.

So then I would have to justify my decision to the dinner guests...simple....I have had a last minute opportunity to care for a child that will take me out of the region. I am sure that you will understand this is a matter of life and death. Stop them in their self-centred tracks.

You can apply this more simply at home too. You get invited out to something that benefits another organisation or agenda, that you don't want to be involved in and can quite honestly say that you have prior engagements or responsibilities. Those responsibilities are the ones to the lives of your children or the life of your marriage or even to invest time into your personal development - your life.

As long as you are honest with yourself there is no need to feel guilty.